I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A+ Viking dick
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