I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
