Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's shark week go big or go home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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