After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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