what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
