he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
