Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize