There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
