I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
