did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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