So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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