Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
