The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
