he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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