Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
