I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
