I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
