that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
