Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
false alarm, still single
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
