Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
