Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
