you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i love accidental penises.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
