I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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