That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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