Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
