when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
