she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
