So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
