at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
