if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
