If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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