She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just had sex on a roof
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
