put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize