Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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