dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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