Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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