hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
