"it" just moved
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
