So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize