At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
