sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
