I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
