Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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