I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
