Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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