"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
