So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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