Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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