Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
