I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
