Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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