He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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