i just had sex bonerless
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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