so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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