And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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