I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
