i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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