I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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