You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
