I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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