i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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